Courtney Hall on the Transformative Power of Pole Dancing

Courtney you described yourself as, ‘the wallflower at school dances’, ‘hyperaware of what everyone thought of you’, and ‘insecure in your body’, feelings many girls and women can relate to. Pole dancing played an integral part in changing this narrative for you. Can you tell us more about this? 

When I started pole dancing, it was the first and only time in my life that I saw my body for what it was capable of versus what it looked like. This was a huge game changer for me mentally, as my only experience with sports growing up was a rather negative one. In grade school, if you were bad at a team sport, your peers would pick on you or get upset at you for assisting in them losing the game. In pole classes, everyone lifts you up and cheers you on no matter how “good” or “bad” you are. The community recognizes that everyone starts somewhere and it is the most supportive and uplifting activity I've ever been a part of. My confidence snowballed into an upward spiral with each trick that I learned, and even more so when I began taking sensual style pole dance classes. We were all encouraged to focus on feeling sexy in our bodies regardless of what it looked like, as well as encouraged to take up space. In society, especially growing up, women are shamed for this or accused of being arrogant/cocky for doing so. I feel that the narrative around this is so harmful to women mentally, and I see daily the projections and pain from women that never grew out of it and healed from it. My mission with my own studio is to assist in the collective healing of people who are afraid to take up space or feel confident in their bodies.

How does your experience with dance inform your ideas about sexuality?

Sexuality is a topic that is often seen as taboo, and though I touched on this a bit already, it is often seen as shameful as well. There is a domino affect of generations of people who were never allowed to embrace their sexuality that pass that pain and shame down onto their children and peers, and it creates toxic mental spaces and environments that lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms/behaviors. I was once one of those people, that was projecting my own shame onto others, looking down upon women who were outwardly confident in their sexuality. Dance healed this part of me that I didn’t even realize needed healing. Dance showed me that sexuality is not always for others - but often for ourselves. It is an innate part of every human being that society simultaneously tries to stifle and hide while profiting off of it in media. Dance taught me that expressing your sexuality is not a bad thing, but an empowering thing. Our sexual energy is the root of all creation, and can be harnessed for so much good.

You bravely shared that you have a history of sexual trauma. Has dance helped you to heal and show up in the world as you wish to? 

Absolutely. The sexual abuse I endured as a very young child was not something that I ever confessed to anyone up until the age of 15-16. I carried that shame with me for my entire life up until that point, often convincing myself that it never happened and that I was just imagining things due to how young I was and how foggy the memories were. After discovering pole dancing and developing a healthier relationship with my own sexuality/confidence, that confidence trickled into many other facets of life and I began to face a lot of my fears. I got the courage to reach out to a family member and tell them, and they confirmed my memories were not made up. I truly believe that if I never started dancing, a lot of the things that I have faced in the last 8 years may never have happened.

After only a few dance classes, you began to appreciate your body, seeing it through a different lens. Can you tell us how dance has influenced your relationship with your body and your view of self so thoroughly? 

I used to be one of those people that one might consider “skinny fat”. I was on the thinner side, but I had very little muscle/strength. I couldn’t do a lot of things that my peers could in high school who were into cheerleading/gymnastics. I tried so many sports and activities as a kid - ballet, soccer, gymnastics, you name it. I gave up on all of them because I felt like a failure who couldn’t do anything. Pole dancing is so unique, because especially in the beginning, there are small wins damn near every time you take a class. It’s a mix between strength training (tricks on the pole) and dance, so even if you don’t have the strength to do a trick one day, your pirouettes might start to click in your body. This allowed me to gain confidence with each and every class and go from someone who would pull at their belly fat in the mirror and beat themselves up, to someone that was elated because they could start to feel and see their muscle definition. I no longer cared about how flat my stomach was, I cared about how strong and capable I was.

After a short exposure to dance, you changed your major at university and the course of your life. You became a teacher yourself, you started performing and competing, and you also opened your own studio. There must have been challenges and highlights, some self doubt as well as breakthroughs. Can you tell us more about a challenge and a highlight that has really stood out for you on this journey? 

The first challenge that really stands out to me - though there have been many - was getting on stage for the first time at my first pole competition. I was only a level one pole dancer and had horrible stage fright. I was a lot more confident than the wallflower we spoke about previously, but this was the ultimate test because I was putting myself out there for a large audience AND for judges to pick my routine apart. I don’t remember any part of being on stage that day - it was a giant rush of adrenaline and is all a blur - but I remember feeling so proud of myself and instantly becoming addicted to overcoming my fears. That quite literally changed the trajectory of my life. 

I am not sure that I can pick just one highlight - but I will say, despite opening a studio which was a dream of mine for years - the biggest highlights of this journey are when my students come to me and tell me how much pole has changed their lives. I recently had a student in her 60s tell me that doing pole has been the most fun time of her entire life - and that is such a huge proud moment for me. 60+ years of living and I was able to provide a space for her to have the most fun she ever has? There are stories like mine that are deep and transformative, but for some people it’s just a great, fun time and a way to release stress and let your hair down. I think those stories are just as important and fulfilling. We all need a safe space and time for ourselves.

Dancing has been a transformative experience for you, changing how you see and feel about yourself, even changing the trajectory of your life. Have you seen this kind of transformation in other women you work with? 

Yes! There are many many stories like mine from students that I have worked with over the years. I have also had students who used pole/dance as a way to heal from domestic violence, and students who told me that they wouldn’t be alive today if they didn’t start pole dancing. It is so much more than just a workout or hobby. For some of us, movement is our lifeline.

Women are taking ownership over the narrative of what aging means and looks like for us. We are defining our own identity and retelling the world what we are capable of. As you age, what will your dance journey look like? 

I would be lying if I said that aging doesn’t scare me, but I know that I will continue to move and dance and create art with my body for as long as my body allows me to! I believe that if you take care of yourself (physically AND mentally) your movement journey will have longevity. There are pole dancers in their 70s and 80s that are still competing - even some that just started! Age will never stop me or hold me back.

Courtney thank you so much for sharing your lived experience, wisdom and insights here with us. This is a raw, open, relatable and powerful testimony. We know that women will find strength and encouragement in your words.